I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
