I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
