Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
