I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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