hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
