My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
