Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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