I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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