I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
