Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
