her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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