You can't special order awesome
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
