I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
