she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
