Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
