the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
