Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

No stitches, just platelets and will power

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(719): View more from Colorado

just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.

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(714): View more from California

Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.

(1-714): View more from California

This is why we're friends.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.

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