Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
