when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
