ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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