why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
