he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
