I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
