I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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