Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
