I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
