I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
