I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
