"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
