hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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