I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
