Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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