When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
