Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
