happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want nice things and good sex
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
