I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
