if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Boobs speak an international language.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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