i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
