Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my poor anus
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
