I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
