how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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