I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
