I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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