Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
