the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
