I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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