Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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