so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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