Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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