At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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